an oh so lonely soul
reaching out for love.
I want to tell her it's not enough
no one will ever fill that hole
that is deep inside her heart.
I wanted to comfort her
because 13 years ago,
I must have been her.
I wanted to protect her
but no one can protect her
like no one could protect me
I held her and that was enough
I made her smile and that was enough
I hope life goes easier on her.
I hope she is not jaded like me,
13 years later.
sifting through the noise in my head.
I lie awake at night...
wondering why tomorrow will still stay the same.
Photos you took,
places you have seen,
I almost wished it was with me you had been.
Yet the loneliness
in your eyes,
the loneliness that I can't destroy;
tells me I should let you down easy.
Your children look so beautiful
their eyes shine brighter than stars.
Little wonder for look at their mother.
I almost wished that they were mine
But I laughed in relief because you weren't mine.
I think I must be made up of half whimsical girl and half comic book geek, for the movie Hellboy II: The Golden Army simply delighted me. Five minutes into the movie and I was already won over - quietly proclaiming my love yet again for Guillermo del Toro. The movie had everything you could possibly want - a great story line, action scenes, beautiful people, philosophical questions on the human race and of course, the age old struggle of good vs. evil.
The movie's fairytale is rather reminiscent of The Lord of the Rings. Once upon a time, there co-existed in the world not only the Human race but Elves and other mystical creatures as well. However, men were born with a hole in their hearts, a hole so deep that nothing will satisfy his hunger for territory, power and greed. This very insatiable greed led the Elven king, King Balor to unleash his 70 x 70 clockwork army made of gold, fashioned to obey anyone who wore the golden crown and royal blood, upon the Human race. However, as the Golden Army had no soul, so loyalty, no regrets and no pain, the Elven King saw his mistake and broke the crown into 3 pieces and called for a truce with the Humans. This angered his son, Prince Nuada greatly and the prince exiled himself, vowing (I believe) to come back to claim what is rightfully his.
There the movie really begins, with the Prince delivering his officially seal of war upon the "empty (inside)" Upper East Siders of New York, ones who were just about to bid on a piece of the crown that would have power over the Golden Army. His gift to the clueless Humans - two cases of hungry tooth fairies.
The interactions between the Prince and Hellboy are interesting, as the Prince tries to persuade HellBoy to abandon the very humans that he has been protecting all his life, the humans who have no appreciation of his efforts. Hellboy's dilemma is clearly shown when he is caught between destroying an Elemental, a giver and destroyer of life, the very last one on earth that can save the earth with it's green, luscious life and the humans. Hellboy of course, does the "right" thing but comes to question if it really is the right thing to do after all.
Liz, the pyrotechnic love of Hellboy's life is at crossroads in life, as she tries to get used to being married to Hellboy, which she discovers is not so easy. She too will have to choose what is the "right" thing to do but it is apparent from the start that these two were meant for each other.
Hellboy's sidekick, aptly nicknamed Blue to his Red, falls in love with Princess Nuala, the twin of the Prince, the one on the run from him, with the last piece of the crown. There is a funny scene in the film where the super heroes mourn over their heartaches while listening to a love song.
What creeped me out a little though is the bond that exists between the princely twins. "Father always tried to keep my black heart away from you". But perhaps I say this, only as one who has never had a twin and does not know what it's like to know exactly what someone else is thinking and hurting when someone else has been physically hurt.
The prince was a barrel of pain, focused only on vengence, reclaiming earth to be as it once was, ignoring his sister's pleas that no forest could grow from all the bloodshed. It would be easy to think that the prince was at fault, that the prince was evil but to me, it is not so clear cut. I shed a tear, when the Prince is slained, not by Hellboy or an enemy but by the one that is closest to him. I know, I'm a big sucker.
I could go on and on about the beautiful angles the camera men took, the glow of certain creatures, the wonderful kick ass action sequences but I won't because you simply must go see it yourself.
Go on now. The Golden Army lies dormant......awaiting their rightful king/queen to send his/her orders.
.
We couldn’t have been more different and yet we were similar, empatico on issues that we faced in different lands that had resulted in the same.
I might want more from her, as I always do with friends. I want their constant attention on me and she might need more from me, like she always does, my constant attention on her.
We steal words, moments and talk about ourselves - each one vying to explain each life and sorrows, all the while laughing about it. Yet, through the rushed words, stolen time and laughter, we perfectly understand what the other one means.
Of course, as always, she happens to be more settled, be more with herself, and have more luck on her side than I do. But I’ve learned to look past that. Many Many Many people I meet usually have that going for them and it’s useless to wallow in self pity when it can be easily pointed out that I actually have it way better than most.
She’ll tell me I’m being such a sissy even writing about this.
I’m not, really, I’m a cynic – I’m waiting for the day that we are no longer friends – something I automatically do, because I’ve come to think that I can no longer have people for a long time, that things don’t last, that people leave you – because that’s what’s been so common in my life.
Boo hoo, I know.
I’m a bit numb currently – just how I prefer it. If I had my way, being numb would come with no consequences and I would be able to be numb from pain all the time. No such luck however – the throbbing, aching pain is a constant part of my life, keeping me awake through the night and keeping me company in the day during long work hours.
I wish for a lot of things. I do. I wish for peace, I wish
for strength, I wish for courage, I wish for the pain to go away. I wish for intellectual
capacity that would blow away my colleagues and make me a noble peace prize
winner. I wish for clever witty words to flow out of my mouth, so I can be the
wittiest person in any given conversation. I wish for my mother to understand
me. I wish for my mother to be really truly happy. I wish my sister could have whatever she wanted. I wish I could stop feeling
guilty. I wish I could tell the bitches that give me trouble at work that I
hate their ugly asses. I wish that I could free the people of
I wish, I wish. And I can tell her all these things. She
laughs at me but she gets it. I bitch
back at her but I get it. Often we are awful for each other. I let her drink more than she should. She lets me talk more about myself than is healthy. We eat sugary foods and yet are vain about our looks constantly.
Sometimes, i think it's just good knowing that someone else is in the same boat as you, or a boat nearer to where you are than anyone else.
I wish I blogged more too. I miss interacting with my readers.
Yangon Thu
I should have been expecting them. What was I thinking?
The crazy hours I've spent at work, the smoke filled air that I've been getting my oxygen from, the unreasonable amounts of all sorts of 80 proof liquids that have gone inside of me in the name of entertainment and boredom.
And yet, when they returned, the demons that always lurked behind me, with a vengeance - laughing, patting me on the head, throwing me about in the air for a bit of fun, all this while I shook and hid and feigned ignorance from their presence - I was still surprised. I always think that when they leave that they leave forever. But I am always wrong, every single time.
I couldn't hide. So I did what they wanted, I indulged them while trying to rein myself back into a field that would somehow comfort me, rather than chide me for my mistakes yet again.
What am I to do, however? What should I do about the life that I very much want to lead, the life that I very much need to lead, the life that I have been handed, while there are innocent children dying daily in my home country, in China, in Africa, in South America, in the world?
The fact that I am obsessed with trivial matters, that my insignificant worries and problems have nothing to do with the greater good that I want to achieve and the fact that I long to very much be an ignorant person. Again, that makes me feel guilty for who would wish that upon themselves, if they really wanted to achieve greater good in the world.
I am Jill's conscious - torn between the party and the good cause.
